Tuesday, January 24, 2006
{ 5:33 AM }
there are some things i still havent learn to let go..thinking back, i feel so silly. i want to learn to let go, but i dont have the courage. i've said so so many times, but do i mean it. i told myself i mean it every single time, but when questioned by other people, i return to what i am again. how could i? i feel that my world is currently upside down. i keep deceiving myself. i'm lying again. you know..no matter who i lie to, it's alright, but i cant lie to myself. it's just not right. i sux. i dont understand what's happening to me. i'm having mood swings. sudden quite just overwhelm me all of a sudden. i'm scared. i'm very scared. i dont know what to do. ok. i shall learn to pick myself up. learn to take what i can with courage. i'm a courager aint i? today we keep talking about mr mustafa con. walao..so siao lor we all. huang lao shi keep looking at us ok? i think she thinks we are siao. and we are. so funny. go around asking if people want to join the mustafa con fan club or not. and then i became mrs mustafa. hahaas. so lame. laugh until dawood's lesson, i no strength le. i hate idiots who are racists! so what if i'm different? huh? ok..chill. i shant be angry. actually i'm not angry lar..but you know lar..my heart wont feel good de rights? i hadnt such experience before, until i entered sec 3 life. maybe that's part and parcel of growing up, but my heart..still feels upset. i finally understood what they were saying in the past few talks. my friends have been nice for these few years, but i dont expect to meet people who are so different to the rest! i'm upset. i dont have the right to feel angry and so, i cant. i know. i know. i understand. i'm having a rather bad mood these few days. i dont understand why? and i'm having constant headaches. maybe my life..is not suitable for me. too hard. i dont know what to do...can you please tell me?